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Hey, this is Leo for actualised.org. And in this episode, I'm going to rant against the pickup community. And if you're a guy who's involved in pickup, this is a must watch episode for you you selfish, narcissistic, dishonest fuck. You are so fucking busted right now, watch. And listen, as I burst your little bubble of pickup bullshit. Despite what it sounds like I'm about to make some very nuanced psychological points about pickup. I'm going to give you a very accurate character profile of people who do pickup and of yourself if you're involved in pickup. And what you're not aware of yet is you're not aware of the deeper psychological principles at play, that are driving you to do pickup in the way that you do. And in a sense, what I can offer you is I can offer you a glimpse into your future and a glimpse into yourself in a deeper way than you can offer yourself in a sense, I know you better than you than you know yourself. So one warning that I want to give you here right off the bat is you need to be extremely self honest here. Because there's a lot of potential for self deception. Be very self honest, as you're listening to me now, and be very open minded, because some of the things I'm going to tell you are going to go against the grain of what you've been learning over the last few years. So one really big lie of the Pua community in general, is something like this. And you've probably heard this a lot. Is that mainstream society rags on pu A's and pick up and basically, it doesn't understand us. Pick up is no good to mainstream society, but mainstream society, it rags on pickup for no good reason. Right? It's not what the pickup community has told you. It's something like well, they don't understand us they don't understand if they understood it, they really got involved and really saw what's what's going on. And they saw how much I'm growing and, and how much I'm learning and all this good that's happening, then they would totally change their mind about pickup. Now, this is a big load of horseshit, big load of horseshit big lie of the Pua community. And there's many actually good reasons and valid reasons for why mainstream society frowns upon pickup. And I'm going to talk about a lot of them here in a lot of depth. So keep your mind open. Now for the record, before you start to question me. And before you dismiss me what I'm about to say, for the record, I've done close to 1000 hours of live infield pickup. I've gone to many py seminars. I've studied and watched many different P weigh products, hundreds of hours of different Pua theory and products and techniques. I've coached many P ways with their relationship issues and their issues with women. And I also have a lot of P way friends. So I've surround myself with a lot of pickup, guys, right? So it's not like I'm coming at this from the perspective of like, oh, I never did pick up and I just learned about it. And it sounds evil. That's not the perspective. I'm coming from coming from it as like an insider, right? Most of my friends in fact are P ways. And they're good friends of mine. But I see that they're missing something. Right. So this is really coming from a place of love for me, because I want to help you get to the next level of your personal development I want to help you to self actualize. When I first started pickup, that was like, maybe four years ago now. I was bad with girls, right? So I was the kind of the typical newbie pickup guy. I really need to help in that department. I know the techniques or the theory. So I just sort of learning and eating it all up. And I loved all the personal development aspects of pickup too. So that was just like the perfect match for me at the time. Maybe you can relate to that. But when I first started, my intuition still told me that there's something fishy about this community. Like yes, it's cool that I can get better with girls, I want that. But still, it's like my higher self is telling me Wait a minute. Some of the stuff I'm reading on these forums and some of the things I'm hearing with, you know, these instructors and these coaches telling me certain things I should do or giving me little anecdotes of what they've done. It's like, man, that's that's not quite right or wrong about that sounds fishy about that. But at that point, you know, I didn't really care too much. I didn't know how to really define what was wrong, I couldn't quite put my finger on it. It took me several years of doing actual pickup and observing myself, and then also several more years of much deeper personal development work, after getting out of pickup, to really start to wrap my mind around what was wrong. And I'm going to lay out the issues with the pickup community right here. Fundamentally, what's going on is that that the foundation of pickup itself is flawed. It's flawed for three main reasons. The first is that the pickup community is predicated upon the following assumption is that you will have fulfilment by sleeping with lots of hot women. And that right there is just a complete fail. If you really understand how human psychology works, this cannot possibly work under any conditions. In fact, if anything, it's going to create a lot of suffering in your life, it's going to backfire on you. But that's not something you can appreciate when you're just desperate for sex. When you're just desperate for sex, you just want a girlfriend. You know, you've been that nerd, that Shy Guy your whole life, it really feels like if you fix your shyness, if you become confident if you become that alpha male guy, and you can get all the girls you want. And you can get your dream girlfriend, that you think that that's going to fix all your problems. And now you're going to be fulfilled. And I got news for you. That's not going to fulfill you at all. It won't. It's a giant illusion. And this is something that's perpetuated within the pickup community. Nobody really talks about this. They just kind of like sweep it under the rug. It's like well, yeah, we kind of know that sleeping with girls. Isn't that fulfilling? But Oh, who cares? Anyways, we're just gonna go chase after more girls. It's kind of like this kind of mentality. So that's one deep flaw of the foundation of pickup. Another deep flaw. And this is perhaps even more damning is that the Pua community glorifies the lower self and ego despite what it says, And it's funny, there's an irony, because in the pickup community, we actually talk about breaking down the ego, killing the ego and this kind of talk. But that's really far from what's actually going on. When you're doing pickup. It's the exact opposite. And if you hung around, like pickup forums, or you have a circle of pickup friends that you go out with and stuff like that, then you're gonna resonate exactly and understand exactly what I'm talking about here. When I read you this following quote, this is a quote that has very deep psychological wisdom. So listen, really close because is a perfect description of what you and your friends are doing. Quote, the lower self tries to fulfill desire for pleasure to survive each day. It collects and hoards resources, lies, cheats, seduces, complains, rages B. littles worships power, money and sex, withhold attention and love to gain compliance does anything to gain the upper hand, feels superior to others hates to lose. Such self centered and narcissistic qualities were responsible for humankind's survival long ago, and quote, that is a quote by Rhys Thomas. Very powerful quote, when I read this quote, a few months ago, in my mind, immediately, it's like a light bulb went on. It's like, oh, this is the perfect point by point description of what a typical Pua is like. And this is exactly the problem with Pua is because the pickup community espouses values that actually glorify this, this thing, right, this whole process of the lower self doing its thing, it doesn't try to kind of like reduce it, and to suppress it and to transcend it, it actually glorifies it. And then the third deep flaw in the foundation of pickup is that at heart, it's immature. It's really juvenile. If you take a look at how P waves talk, how they walk, how they carry themselves, how they think, how they relate to other human beings, including men and women, how they set their goals, what they're motivated by, it's really like a step above high school. Right? You know, you're like near maturing, there's high school, then you go to college. It's like it's a little bit like above, kind of the frat boy in college, you might say it's a little higher. Quality of consciousness, but not much higher. And on the other hand, it pretends it acts as though it's a really high level of consciousness, when nothing is further from the truth, actually a very low level of consciousness. But see kind of the trick that the pickup committee plays on you is that it creates this kind of like, distortion field, where it feels like actually, you're maturing, and you're growing. But let's face it, your motivations are very immature. I mean, what are you doing, you're spending hundreds and 1000s of hours chasing vagina. That's basically what you're doing. And also, you're doing some personal growth, and you're going to the gym and you're eating a little healthier. I mean, that's all kind of like, good to sprinkle in there. That's all sounds nice. But fundamentally, what are you doing, you're chasing vagina, that's what you're doing. And that can't help but come back to bite you in the ass. So those are the three points there, I still have a lot more to say, though. Let me now give you a prediction of your psychological development. Because you know what, I got some shocking news for you. You're not the first human being who's ever been on this planet, and who has grown and matured through life, there's actually a, a well known process through which the human psyche matures and develops, Clare graves, has developed one such model, he was a psychologist and researcher. And he developed the Clare graves model, and it was turned into the spiral dynamics model. And I talked about it's a very deep and profound model of psychological development. And I talked about it, I have a whole over hour long video that talks about it. But here, I want to give you just a really quick little recap of what this really means and why it's important to you, at this point in your life. See, well, clearly, what Claire graves discovered is that human beings evolve from one stage to the next stage to the next stage. And it's a predictable pattern. A lot of times people get stuck in one stage for the rest of their life, and they never go any higher. But what's true about this is that you can't skip stages. And the stages come in a very particular order. And once you understand the stages, you can very clearly see like, Oh, I'm right here, and I just came from over there. And the next place I'm gonna go to is over here, and two steps up above that is this thing over here. And it just gives you a really clear understanding of where you're at in life, and how mature you really are. So where you are in the Clare graves model, is he's got stages, and he gets them different colors. So the color that you're at, there's red, there's blue, and then there's orange, and there's green, those are the ones we're gonna be concerned, there's more colors, but those are the ones we're gonna be concerned with. So the red color, what is that, that is almost like criminal behavior, that's highly egotistical behavior, where you're completely absorbed with acquiring power for yourself. So this just imagine a mafia boss, or a gang leader, or like a drug dealer, or a criminal or a thief, or like a dictator, old school style dictator, or like a tribal leader, those people acquire lots of power through brute force. Right? So that's one stage of consciousness, then what happens is that you evolve out of that stage of consciousness, because you see that it's just, it's too negative. And then you go into the next stage, which is actually kind of a reaction against that, and you become the the one who enforces the social hierarchy. This is stage blue. At this stage, you're concerned about how do I make society function, you move and react away from the ego, and you suppress the ego and you say, Okay, I'm going to serve society, I'm going to be a good citizen. I'm going to follow the religious principles and the cultural norms of my society, I'm gonna be a good little boy and a good little girl. So here, what happens is you get civilizations arising. And here you get the rise of church and state. Here, you get political systems and governments happening here you have civilization really starting to flourish. And in this case, there's a lot of dogmatic thinking. A lot of what we would shy away from nowadays, because what it is, is it's kind of like traditionalism. It's conservatism. This is something that pickup is reacting against. Have you noticed that in the pickup community, all these things I just talked about in stage blue. It's the pickup unity is all a reaction against that stuff, right? The pickup community hates groupthink, and it hates like religious doctrines about sex and it hates you know, like strong cultural worms in his hates this idea of like, you have to be a good little boy or good little girl. So where does that put you as a Pua? Probably it puts you at stage orange, which is the next stage, what a stage orange. This is actually where American culture is that mostly right now, Sage orange is again, a move away from Blue, and a moving and a swing of the pendulum back towards towards the ego of red. But now it's not criminal behavior anymore. Now it's a little bit more responsible behavior. So you're not technically probably doing anything illegal, but you're engaging in behavior that's still selfish. This is what modern American business is like. Right? So the modern American business philosophy is what it's to conquer and defeat all your competitors, as efficiently and ruthlessly as you can. Don't try to do anything illegal. But if you can use some sneaky underhanded tactics that are borderline unethical, but not technically illegal, go ahead and use those. If you have a good strong team of lawyers use those lawyers to threaten and harass and manipulate your competitors. Establish a monopoly if you can squeeze out all your competitors, defeat and absorb everyone and become number one, acquire lots of money, go public, acquire lots of stock options become filthy rich, use that money then to build an opulent lifestyle of your dreams with a giant house with a Ferrari and Lamborghini. And with lots of women around you and be happy and live happily ever after. With all this material wealth that you've accumulated through your business activities. That's, you know, a caricature of stage orange, stage orange values, things like individuality nonconformity, uniqueness, technology, rational thinking, no superstitious type thinking. Breaking out of the mold thinking outside the box breaking out of the hierarchy. This is stage orange, this is probably where you're at. And if you can see the pickup community is really glorifying this whole stage orange. And in fact, and this is not something that's unique to the pickup community. But what the bigger community does is it glorifies stage orange, by demonizing stage blue, because orange arose out of blue. And now what orange does is it demonizes blue. And it talks about how people that are stuck in blue, how they're very shallow and closed minded. And they don't really understand that there's this new level they could rise to, right? Isn't that kind of what you tell your friends who are stuck at Blue, it's like, Dude, wake up, become an individual take control of your life. Look at all this cool stuff you can develop for yourself. You can grow yourself, you can get the kind of woman you want, and get the house you want, you get the kind of life you want. Right, this is kind of the pickup vision, the pickup dream. But I have some news for you. And the news is that there's something beyond stage orange. And that would be stage green. What's very interesting, this is again, not unique to pick up the pickup community at all, but that every organization or individual who is at one of these stages, is blind to the existence of all the other stages. And in fact, what they do is they demonize, they actively demonize the stage directly below them, and of course, the stage directly above them. This allows them to maintain homeostasis in the current stage that they're at. And this is exactly what pickup does pick up not only demonizes blue, but it also demonizes green. What is stage green stage green is the relationship stage. This is the stage where human beings start to relate with each other in a more authentic and compassionate way. Instead of shallow material materialism, and success and achievement orientation. What you have at stage green is actual genuine compassion for other individuals. Your sphere of concern expands so that now not only do you care about yourself and your family and your friends, but you also start to care about the general world at large. You start to care about society, you start to care about other cultures. You start to care about being fair and even and balanced. With the different perspectives that people have. You start to recognize the validity of not just your perspective, but also the perspectives of other cultures and other tribes and other human beings and other genders. You start to really value Are you authentic relationship? A really good stereotype for stage green is the hippie. The hippie is prototypical stage green. What is the kipi want, the hippie doesn't want money. The hippie wants love, the hippie wants peace. The hippie wants to save the whales to protect animals to protect the environment, he's concerned about global warming. And the polar bears their ice, you know, the ice melting under the polar bears feet, and then sinking and drowning. He's, he's concerned about these kinds of things. And what he's doing here is he's kind of developing this larger sense of compassion for the world, and for other living beings. Now, what the pickup community does, is it actually demonizes this stage green. And of course, it doesn't believe that sage green is above it, it believes that sage green is below it. And in fact, it kind of lump stage green and stage blue together and calls all those people chose or chumps, or nice guys, those are the guys who can't get laid. Those are the guys who aren't cool. It's not cool to be compassionate. It's not cool to be caring, it's not cool to be a good human being, it's not cool to be nice. This is all chump behavior, this doesn't get you laid. Women don't like it, women don't respond nicely to it. In fact, they generally mistreat you, they don't get you what you want, if you act this way. So all of that is kind of demonized and put to the side. And then what's Glorified is stage orange. But here's the prediction now, is that if what you really care about is you care about personal growth, and self actualization, what you're gonna have to do is you're gonna have to move up this hierarchy, up this ladder, up the staircase, and each step is going to be painful for you. Each step is going to require the shedding of ego, the shedding of old concepts and beliefs and dogmas. And so that's kind of what we're doing here in this episode, is we're helping you to see the next step for you. And to get your mind and your ego ready to take that step. Because the ego is very resistant, it likes to be at the stage that it's at, and it doesn't want to go any higher. Right, so we have to start to open your mind to the possibility that green is above orange. And that green is worth working towards. Now you have two choices, you can either accept that green exists and move up towards it, or you can deny that green exists. And anything that I'm telling you here is, is valid, and you can just insist that orange is the best that there is. And if you do that, then your self actualization will stop. And that's exactly my concern with pickup guys is that it feels like if they stay in the pickup, you know, world, and they, they eat up all the pickup concept, and they just keep going and more and more and more with it, then they just kind of stifle their growth and growth peters out. And then they think that they're self actualizing, when actually they're not. And all the really cool stuff is all way ahead of you way above you, you still need to work towards that. So my prediction is, is that actually as you grow, what will naturally start to happen to you, you really can't even help it is that you will start to realize the limitations of orange. Maybe you've already started to realize it. If you've been doing pickup for a couple of years real hard, what you'll probably start to realize is that you know what? banging a bunch of girls doesn't really make me fulfilled. In fact, it's kind of empty and depressing. And, you know, being that confident, Suave, charming guy at the club. Yeah, it's kind of cool on the surface. But deep down, my life feels kind of hollow. Like, what I would really want is I want to build a deeper connection with with an individual woman, or I would really want to build some deeper connections with my friends and the pickup friends that I have. Yes, we're good friends, because we all like pickup, but our connections and our friendships are actually quite shallow. They're not really that deep. Maybe I need to rethink my paradigm here. Maybe just acquiring more money and getting more muscles and getting ripped and having a six pack. And, and all these goals and all this achievement that I'm pursuing alongside pickup, maybe that stuff has a an upper limit to it. Ha ha, all maybe I can allow myself to expand into something new. See, that's the trend that will start to happen with you. Now the only question really is is how long will it take? It could take a year could take five years could take you 20 years. It's also possible that you're so stuck on yourself. And so narcissistic that basically you will never ever outgrow stage orange. That's certainly possible as well. But what I'm claiming is that this is what's going to happen to you. Right. And the reason that I can claim this is because there's been a lot of scientific studies and evidence done on the Clare graves model, and other psychological developmental models and what they found, generally speaking, you know, this is just a trend that we're talking about. It's not necessarily your destiny. But generally speaking, this is how human psyches develop, and you are a human psyche. So you will tend to develop this way. So that was important to clear up this developmental model. Now, let me be clear, and just clear up a couple of points here. Firstly, let me be clear, and say that pickup does get you laid. There's no doubt about that. So I am not here, questioning or criticizing pickup on the grounds that it will not get you a lot of hot women to sleep with. If you do pickup effectively, and you follow the strategies. In general, the theory works extremely well, the techniques work extremely well. So you can demonstrate that for yourself. And if you've been doing pickup, then you probably already have. So no question about that. Also, be careful, I'm not making a moral case against pickup here. I am not saying that pickup is evil or wrong. And that's why you should stop doing pickup. Also note that I am not making a social case against pickup, I am not telling you that pickup is wrong, and you should stop doing it because it's socially unacceptable behavior, or it's it's somehow culturally unacceptable behavior. I'm not really making that case here. What I am gonna make though, is the case that self actualization is limited by your pickup. So it's really a case of self actualization. you're limiting your own growth, you're shooting yourself in the foot when you stay in the pickup community for too long, and you buy into the pickup belief system too much. Alright, so got that out of the way. Now let me go into the real meat of what I want to talk about, which is a kind of a point by point critique of the various aspects of pickup that society frowns upon for good reasons to address this core central lie of the pickup community, which is that there are no good reasons for why mainstream society frowns upon pickup actually, there are many good reasons. And here they are. The first important problem with pickup is that it's selfish and anti spiritual, selfish and anti spiritual. What does this mean? Especially anti spiritual? That sounds kind of weird. What does that mean? Let me first address this, the selfish component. So what pickup really is, is a neurotic overreaction. An erotic overreaction of the psyche? If you actually talk in depth with pickup guys, and you learn about their life story, and you learn about why are they motivated to be and to do pickup in the first place, what you start to discover very quickly is that the vast majority of them are coming from a place of emotional pain. So what happened to them is that either they got dumped, they got divorced, they had a really bad breakup, or they were shy their whole life, or they were that nerd that girls didn't like in high school, and everyone laughed at, or, you know, something happened to them, that now they're really driven to get better with women, for whatever reason. And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that. I'm just saying, just notice that. Generally, if you talk about pickup, or you try to convince someone who isn't coming from an emotionally wounded place in their life or in their childhood, and you try to convince them to do pickup, immediately, what happens is that they are a little standoffish. And usually what the pickup community tells you about that, they say, Well, these guys have been socially conditioned. They're just chumps. They don't really understand. But that's not actually what's going on. Actually, these people don't have emotional wounds. So they don't feel like they need to do a whole neurotic overreaction to get over their wounds. You see, so to them when they see a pickup guy investing hundreds and 1000s of hours, learning and studying how to manipulate women to them. It seems kind of weird. It's like, Dude, why are you doing that? Just be normal. Be cool. Be yourself. Right? That's what they tell you. Women tell you the same thing. But us pick up guys. We're like, No, we can't be ourselves. You don't understand. It's not that easy. I have to go through this whole gauntlet, this whole ordeal. Why is that? Well, because you're emotionally wounded. Those people can understand that because they're not emotionally wounded. That's interesting. That's an interesting phenomenon. And if you actually take a look at pickup instructors and you study their life histories, what you'll see is that many of them not not all of them But many of them come from this kind of background. And you can verify that for yourself. The other problem here is, is the selfishness component, right? So when you're doing pickup Really, all you care about is yourself. Right? You don't have much compassion for the women, or the men that you run across, in, in your, you know, in field activities. It's like, what's the, what's the pickup philosophy, it's like, Damn, what the woman wants, Damn her agenda doesn't matter if she's a girl, if she has a boyfriend, or if she needs to go with her girlfriends tomorrow, or if she needs to go to work tomorrow, doesn't matter. I just need to have sex with her. I'll do whatever I can to get her to have sex with me. Right? Exactly, exactly. But don't deny that. Also, same thing for guys. It's like, you know, if there's a guy in set with you, and he's like, ruining your set, then you have the right to come in there, and you have the right to kind of like screwed him, and to ridicule him and humiliate him and throw him out of the set. And take the girl is this kind of attitude. That's an attitude of selfishness. Have you noticed that there's not really much compassion, there's no room for compassion pick up, not if you are really interested in being in the hottest girls in the largest quantities. It's also selfish in the sense that you're stuck at stage orange on the greatest model, right? And you need to evolve to stage green stage green is the empathy stage. It's where you actually develop compassion, authentic compassion for other human beings, both men and women. This is something that's lacking at your current stage, which is orange, maybe even your kind of borderline stage red. Some pickup guys are so hardcore, that it makes me question whether they're even at Orange. It's like, man, part of your personality type is just like, borderline criminal, like borderline red, right? Like really? Kinda like nasty lowbrow stuff. Now, I'm not most pickup, guys. But some. Also, what I've noticed, have you noticed this is that P waves in an odd sense, make poor friends? This might strike you as weird because you would say something like, Well, no, Leo, I have some of the greatest P wave friends ever that I've made through the pickup community. And that's true on the surface. But if you look real deep at what's going on there, in a sense, those pickup friends you have are kind of shallow. Have you noticed that the only times you're really able to bond with them and to be friends with them is when it's based on pickup. And as soon as like you get out of pickup, then all of a sudden, you're not even talking to those POA friends of yours anymore. There's a total complete disconnect. What that shows you is that the friendship is fragile is built on a very weak bond, which is this, this very, you know, shared common interest of banging bunch of girls. And that's great. And I've made a lot of friends based on that shared common interest, but it's also kind of shallow. It's also kind of selfish. Have you noticed that your pickup friends, they're not really the best friends, because they are very egotistical, narcissistic and selfish. And so if you ask them just to come to with you to the park, or if you ask them for a favor, or you know, you do just kind of more kind of like chumpy just kind of friend stuff that they generally don't do it. Like they don't follow through, they don't show up on time, or they're just kind of flaky. Or they just, they're, you know, they're off doing their own thing. They're kind of like living in their own little world. And a lot of times like they're really heavy into pickup. So if you're heavy into pickup, it works out great. But as soon as you start being heavy into pickup it that relationship just kind of crumbles and withers away. Kind of funny, huh? tells you there's something deeper going on there. Now, let me explain the anti spiritual component of pickup. The reason that pickup is anti spiritual is how do I explain this? Well, what is spirituality? Spirituality is recognition that there is no ego is the transcendence of the ego is the letting go of narcissism and materialistic pursuits, including the pursuit of sex and carnal pleasure. So it's anti spiritual because you believe you're gonna get fulfilment by having sex, or by looking cool, or by getting ripped, or by earning lots of money by charging your, you know, your dream business, or whatever other materialistic goals you have. But this is all anti spiritual, because fundamentally, these things will not make you fulfilled. In fact, the more you pursue these kinds of materialistic external goals, the more the more suffering you're gonna have in your life, the more frustrated you're going to be, and maybe you started to experience that. Now, you might counter me with an argument that goes like this, we say Uh, well, no Leo pickup is all about building my inner game, like I'm becoming more confident I'm becoming a stronger man and so forth. And yes, in a sense, you know, there are those components to pick up. Now, you might even say No, those are the strongest components in proper pickup. And I would say, yes, but still, those are still highly narcissistic ways. You're building your inner game, yes, but you're doing it in a very narcissistic and selfish way. Not in a very spiritual way. You're fundamentally deceiving yourself about the growth that you're doing. Yes, you're growing, but you're not really growing at like the really deep root level, you're growing in surface level ways. And I've personally seen this in a lot of the pickup clients that I've coached, because when I coach them, even guys who are really good with women, and I'm like, shocked at how good they are, and how and you know, they seem very confident, but kind of deep down there hollow inside, or there's something kind of like rotten at the core. And this is not fixed by just doing more pickup. There's another kind of live pickup unity is that says that, well just go out there to approach a bunch of girls, you know, approach 10,000 Girls, and eventually, all your inner game issues will autocorrect. That's actually not true. I haven't found that to be the case at all. And actually, it's not possible, actually. Because what you're doing when you're talking to lots of girls, yes, you're developing these nice skills for talking to girls, and you're developing a sense of confidence. But still, fundamentally, that confidence that you're developing is predicated upon you being really good with girls. It's not really a true core confidence. And what you find with good pickup guys, even who, you know, bang, really hot girls in large quantities, is you find that they're actually insecure inside, you find that actually, they have a low self esteem, you find that actually, you know, they're not as confident as they seem, when you see them talking to a girl. They're not competent across the board. Because what's happened is that they've they haven't addressed the real root issue of that emotional pain they had when they entered pickup, they thought that just having sex and getting good with girls will address that emotional wound. But actually, it never will. That's something you need to do a lot deeper personal development work on to actually fix. That's like, Should you need to go to therapy for or get life coaching on or do very serious meditation and contemplation work on. Okay, so that was that point. Another problem with pick up. And the reason that mainstream society frowns upon pickup is that it's fundamentally disrespectful to women. A lot of collateral damage, and a lot of blindness, with Pua guys about how much collateral damage they do to women. Now, I'm not saying that all pickup guys hurt women. That's not true, you know, women have fun with you, and all that sort of stuff, that's fine. But still, you cannot deny that the way in which you relate to women causes quite a bit of collateral damage. Not only that, but also what I'm going to claim is that the pickup unity at large is like a conspiracy of blindness. Towards the suffering, the extent of the suffering is reduced. It's excused away and it's rationalized away. And one of the really common ways that's done is by saying, Well, women are so emotional, they're so logical, there's no point in reasoning with them. They're just like, stupid. You know, there's the stupid girls, it doesn't really matter. It's like, oh, she would have, she would have broke up with that guy anyways, it doesn't really matter, this kind of stuff. That's what I'm talking about. What do I mean by collateral damage? Well, it's all the emotional suffering that you cause to women. Like when you pressure a woman to has sleep with you, even though she doesn't really want to, and then she regrets it the next morning. Or, it's when you you know, you're flirting with a girl who has a boyfriend, and you clearly know she has a boyfriend, but you flirt with her anyways, maybe you have sex with her, maybe you don't. Either way, you're kind of encroaching on that territory, and you're causing some collateral damage in that relationship. Or when you have sex with the girl and you make her your girlfriend, but then you still have other girls you're seeing on the side, and you're not being honest with her that you're seeing other girls and you just kind of either lie about it or just ignore it and are blind to it. And then that causes her a lot of emotional suffering that you deny. Or when you get into a relationship with a girl, the way that you run that relationship is affected by your pickup training and your pickup mindsets, and then that causes a lot of collateral damage in the relationship. So it's this kind of collateral damage I'm talking about. Another problem with the this point about disrespecting women, is that there's really no concern for the woman's agenda. This is the fundamental selfishness I was talking about the narcissism. So it's like, how do I get everything that I want and make the woman accept it. You don't have a genuine interest in the woman's affairs, you don't really care about her, you care about her only to the extent that she is a puzzle piece that fits into your life. So again, it's like, I don't care what she's doing tomorrow, I don't care if we have sex all night, and then you know, tomorrow is gonna be late for work, I don't care about that, screw that. Or it's like, if she's in the club, with her friends at a bachelorette party. And her friends wanted to stay there with her for the night, but you want to, like sneak her off to have sex with her in your hotel room, then what you tell yourself is like, well, it doesn't matter if I steal her from her friends. And that's okay, we'll just kind of sneak off, it'll be almost secret, it'll be fun. And she'll enjoy it, and it's gonna be all good. And yeah, maybe she will enjoy it to a certain degree. But also, you got to understand that still, you're breaking the woman's agenda. You gotta understand as a man, because you are the leader. And the woman is kind of the follower. And that's kind of the the biological dynamic that we're we're dealing with, that women do follow strong men. And if you're the kind of guy who's just going to be leading her to hell, she kind of will follow you there. Right. And this is where you know, a lot of women, they get into trouble. Because what happens is they start dating an asshole. And then this asshole really starts taking advantage of her. And since she's used to leading, she just kind of follows and goes along with it. And she's not realizing that this guy does not give a fuck about her agenda. He's not looking out for her. He's not really a true leader, see, a true leader actually cares, genuinely cares about the agenda of his followers. That is not you. That is not a pickup guy. A pickup guy generally doesn't care. That's a problem. That's really going to limit you in life. If you take that kind of attitude towards leadership in other aspects of your life, like in business, or with your friends, or in a in a marriage, or in a long term relationship, that will lead to disaster. You can't just care about yourself at the cost of everyone else. That's too damaging in the long run. Imagine if you behaved that way with your family. Imagine if I behaved that way with you? How would you feel about me? What kind of leader would I be if I was up here and the only thing I cared about was how to get myself as rich and as famous as possible. With my work. My work would be very different. My attitude would be very different, I would be a lot less giving with the information that I give, right, there'd be a totally different tone to the way that I talk in the way that I present myself. You can just pick up on this vibe, you can tell the level of consciousness that a human being is at just by observing his actions a little bit. And that's exactly what women and men and mainstream society senses off of you as a pickup guy. And this is what you've been denying, and what the pickup community has been denying. Also, the problem with disrespecting women is that pickup builds up negative stereotypes of women. false negative stereotypes. So you know what I'm talking about. If you go on a typical pickup forum, then you see people calling women slots, whores skanks? You know, cheaters, they always cheat on you. Women are disloyal, they're always lying. You know, they have all this bullshit excuses. They're crazy and emotional, this kind of stuff. That's what I'm talking about. Now, you might say, well, Leo, you know, if you actually go into the field, and you interact with 1000s of women, you'll realize that women are this way. There is that element, right? All people are this way to a degree. The problem is that you're looking at women through this very narrow perspective of like, how do women behave in the club, when they're drunk, and they're partying? This kind of thing, you're not looking at women more holistically. In general, what I found, and this is something that I had to undo is that I was doing pickup for a few years and I kind of absorbed just spontaneously some of these negative stereotypes about women. And then what I discovered is that actually, when I'm interacting with women, you know, older women, middle aged women, elderly women, girls, when I'm interacting with women in longer term relationships outside the club, outside of this agenda of mind to pick them up. I discovered that women really don't fit in Some of these negative stereotypes that the pickup community feeds into your mind. And that becomes damaging. And I noticed this in my friends, too, right? My friends, of course, also develop these kinds of stereotypes. And some of them are kind of blind to it. And some of them were not able to kind of dig themselves out of these stereotypes. And I think that that hurts you in the long term. I know it hurts me. Because if I have these negative stereotypes, and I go into a relationship, like a serious long term relationship, I can see actually how it's damaging. It's undermining my relationship, because I can't fundamentally trust the person. Or I assume something bad about them, when in fact, it's not true. Another point I want to make here is about why women are pissed off at you. So you know, in general, P waves don't really talk to women about P Wait, why is that? Because if you tell an average woman about Pua, she will get kind of pissed off and offended. Why is that it's not for no reason, there is a good reason behind it. Because actually, to the woman, what it looks like you're doing is you're glorifying your narcissism. Not only are you narcissistic, but you're not even taking up aims to improve your narcissism, you're like taking up to the next notch. Right? You're making narcissism acceptable. You're glorifying it. And this is what why women get kind of pissed off. It's the same as you would feel. Or maybe you do feel this way already about feminism. It's like feminism takes it one step too much to one side. And pick up if you notice, it's actually kind of like the mirror opposite. The polar opposite of feminism, it takes it one step, maybe even two steps to the opposite side. Just like one step too far, one a little, just a little bit too far. Right? Not like totally evil, but just like a little step towards evil, like in that direction. You know what I'm talking about. So there's a good reason why women would be pissed off at you, because they see that, you know, hey, I'm trusting you, as a follower, I want you to be my leader, my man, you're gonna be my leader. But then I discover that you actually don't give a shit about my agenda. And all you're interested in is yourself and glorifying your own ego. It's kind of like, I feel like you're tricking me. You see, you see if I wouldn't be put off by this. Imagine, here's an analogy for you. Imagine that you discovered one day, that there's a community of 1000s of women, hundreds of 1000 women who have come together on message boards, and in various social circles, and layers around the country and the world. And these women, their sole objective is to find out how to marry a rich man as rich as possible, and how to then divorce him and take all his money. That would be kind of analogous to what like the pickup community is about? It's kind of like, how do we come together and learn every single strategy and technique to get as many women to sleep with us as possible. And avoid as much responsibility as possible, and get everything we want. And give them nothing. It's kind of like that. That's kind of what they have. Now. I'm, I'm exaggerating this. I'm not saying that everything you do with women is negative, and it goes against their self agenda. But in general, you can't deny that this is the direction which pickup community goes, right? You as a guy, if you heard about these women who conspire against men to steal all their money through divorces, that you would get pissed off by this. You would feel like it's manipulative. You would feel like it's low consciousness behavior, you would feel like it's not very honorable. It's not very honest. You would feel like it's, it's coming from the wrong place. Like you would wonder like, what is going through that woman's mind that she would go so stoop so low, to just kind of like do anything just for money? Well, in the same sense, when a women when women look at you, they kind of wonder what is wrong with these guys, that they would stoop so low that they will do anything, just to sleep with a hot girl? See, are you starting to see the fuller perspective here? One of the problems that I see with pickup is that it gives you a, it gives you an it gives you a certain perspective on life. And there's a certain truth to that perspective, but also it's a very narrow perspective. It's like you got to widen out your field of view. And you can do that by taking into account other people's and other cultures and other groups, points of view and then integrating it with your own balancing it out. Another big problem why mainstream society frowns upon pickup is because it lacks integrity. And this is actually a problem for you more than it is a problem for mainstream society. Why does pickup lack integrity? Because fundamentally, it's dishonest and manipulative? What pickup is basically is guys coming together to learn all the best ways to manipulate women into getting, giving them exactly what the guy wants. as efficiently as possible. That's what pickup is, is that's what it is. How do you manipulate women man in so many ways, and in so many subtle ways, that it's quite amazing that guys go to this length of manipulation for sex. One common response that I hear from pickup guys, it's like, well, no, Leo, you don't understand. I don't manipulate women. I mean, yes, some pickup guys like old school pickup, guys, they might have manipulated women like mystery method that was clear manipulation of women. That's not what we do these days. What we do these days is we do like the authentic like, I'm becoming an authentic man, and I'm just being myself. And then the women just get attracted. And so it's not manipulation. That's, that's just complete horseshit. You me literally the shit out of women, you manipulate women, by the way that you dress, by the way you talk, by the way you look at them, by the way you smile, all of those are calculated behaviors that you have trained in yourself, to get exactly the kind of reaction result that you want from the woman. Even your authenticity is a manipulation, you're using authenticity as a manipulation to get what you want. That's what you're doing. It's not real authenticity, you haven't discovered yet what true authenticity is, it's much deeper, much, much deeper than what you learned from even the best forms, the highest quality forms of pickup, extremely manipulative. Everything you do is a manipulation. From the moment you wake up in the morning, and you stop planning your trip to the club, already, you're manipulating, as you're walking into the door of the club, already, you're manipulating already, in subtle ways, you got to start to see the manipulation is very, very subtle. And the pickup community generally denies this, they deny that they manipulate women, which is of course, completely ridiculous. The only way you could believe that as if that you're, you're very, very unaware. Also, the continuing on this point about lack of integrity, you break the golden rule. You know what the golden rule is, do unto others as you want them to do unto you. So if you don't want others to steal from you don't steal from them. sort of thing, right? But pick up breaks this rule. Like I already said with that analogy about women conspiring against men to to divorce them and take all their money, right? If I treated you, man's man, if I treated you in the same manipulative way, that you treat a woman to get her to sleep with you and to get attracted to you, you would feel like I'm being dishonest with you. You would be upset. And rightly so, because it breaks the golden rule. You want me to treat you in a certain respectful manner, which is absent in the way that you treat women. For example, if I manipulated you try to get you to buy something from me, for example, through my marketing, in the same degree that you manipulate women, and you found out about me doing that, then you'd be upset with me. You would I guarantee that you would, you would post some nasty comment about how I'm evil and I'm greedy and all this kind of stuff. Well, what the fuck do you think you're doing with women? You're breaking the golden rule. I also find that it's hard to trust P ways. Why do I not really trust pu A's, both the professional ones and the amateur ones. I don't trust them fundamentally, because they break their own integrity. When a human being has the kind of character structure and personality that allows him to manipulate easily other people like women in the club, then I know that actually that will bleed over into how he lives the rest of his life. So when he's doing business with me, I'm not going to trust that fucking person. I would never fucking trust a Pua in a business deal. Not to fuck me over. You see, because the level of consciousness is the same level orange consciousness will manipulate everything to itself to its own advantage, damn the consequences to anybody else. So, for example, you know, one thing that I'm always weary of, is, when I see one of the professional P ways, you know, advertising a new product or new course or something like this, I can actually see that. Not only that, I can kind of see flavors of the way that they interact with women reflected in the way that they interact and with their customers, I can actually see I can see to their advertising style, I can see it in the way that they try to convince you to get involved with pickup, it's the same kind of manipulation, basically. And again, it kind of breaks the golden rule, because what happens to you, it leaves a sour taste in your mouth. Also, lack of integrity is really proven and demonstrated by the fact that most pickup guys do not talk about pickup, or that they're in pickup with women that they date, or that they're with. You hide it from women, right? You don't talk honestly about what pickup is and how it works, and why you do it and all this kind of stuff. That's quite rare that you would do that. What's funny is that I actually did that with the girls that I talked to. And I'm not saying I didn't do anything with it. I did plenty manipulative shit in my pickup career, but also, I would be sensitive to all of these things, right? So I didn't go like full out evil on this stuff. And if I was dating a girl, I would actually tell her that I do pickup I would explain why I do it. And this would oftentimes break the girl's heart like she would, she would cry, she'd be really upset. Like it would really hurt her emotionally. But still, I felt like being honest about it is better than hiding it, which is what most guys do. Most guys hide it. And then of course, they manipulate themselves into thinking that oh, no, like, I'm not hiding anything. I'm not hiding. She doesn't need to know, why would she need to know this? She would understand anyways, so it's okay for me not to tell her. That's a big pile of horseshit, big, big pile of horseshit right there. If what you were doing is was fully aboveboard, then you would have no problem communicating it to women. So that's actually a good litmus test. How honest are you about your full pickup career and your full pickup activities when you're talking to women? Most guys are not. Also, the pickup community is dishonest with itself. So a lot of the points that I'm talking about here that pickup unity completely denies, turns a blind blind eye to sweeps under the rug, and prefers not to talk about this. And in fact, what it has, it has very nice stories, and rationalizations for why all these things I'm talking about, either are not true, or they're, you know, they're excused away or something like this. So that's a fundamental lack of integrity in the community itself. And then of course, that gets absorbed into all the individual members of the community. And the last big problem with pickup is that it limits your self actualization. The way this happens is that it gives you a false sense of happiness. When you're doing pickup, it's exciting. It's new, it's adventurous, and you feel like you're really happy and thrilled, the happiest you've been in your whole life when you're having sex with all these girls and having fun in the club and so forth and hanging out with your friends. Actually, that's a that's a facade. That's not real. That's not real happiness. That's not unconditional happiness. As soon as those things are taken away from you, you're unsatisfied. In fact, you're not even satisfied when you have those things. A common situation with pickup guys that they get really good, they bring a bunch of girls, and they actually get depressed, they get depressed, because they got what they wanted. And it still didn't change fundamentally who they were or how happy they feel in life. They're still miserable and depressed. So that's a huge trap. Also, the reason it limits your self actualization is because it distracts you from what's really meaningful. What's really meaningful is not going to clubs and bars, and banging bunch of girls and dressing cool. And talking shoot with your friends. That's not what's meaningful about life. That's all really shallow shit. And pick up sucks you into this community where it makes you feel like all this stuff is really meaningful. It really feels like when you're doing pickup properly, it's like, man, it feels like I've my eyes have been open to this whole new world. You know, I've seen The Matrix and now I'm outside of the matrix and and now there's so much meaning in my life. And you know, I was playing World of Warcraft for 40 hours a week and now you know, I'm this I'm this confident guy out there, you know, talking to girls who have these cool hobbies and stuff. Look how meaningful my life is. That's a facade. That's the facade. Not really true. real meaning is a lot deeper in life. Real meaning if you want that you have to go more towards the spiritual side of things. Which pick up doesn't do pickup is anti spiritual. And the other reason that pickup limits your self actualization is because of the groupthink and the dogma and the conformity within pickup. It's really ironic because the pickup community likes to spout and preach this notion of, you know, groupthink is bad. And conformity is bad. We're anti conformist. We're so open minded, but actually pick up people are some of the most closed minded and dogmatic people that I know. And it's, it's funny, it's almost like, you know, that kid in high school, who went and got a pierced ear, or a tattoo or something, just because he wanted to be different and nonconformist. But in an ironic way, by doing that, he now actually became even like more of a conformist because all the kids that got a tattoo or got it pierced ear within like hanging out together. And they would think that they're like being anti establishment and non conformance when actually they were being the definition of conformity. They were just doing that out of conformity. That's kind of what pickup is like. It's a it's a low consciousness reaction against some of the bad stuff in mainstream society, some of the stuff that limits you in mainstream society. It's like a swing of your pendulum from one end to the next end, and not being able to find the balance in between. Also, I find the community in general is very immature and juvenile. Just the way that pickup pickup people talk. There's just kind of like, Bro mentality. Have you noticed this kind of like, Bro vibe, to the way they talk? It's kind of like, you know, guys in the locker room kind of talk or guys in the frat house kind of talk. And it gets really old really quickly. I also find is that the community has this kind of one sided perspective on life. It's this highly male dominated perspective. It's like, what is the male's agenda? Fuck everything else. Let's just amplify the males agenda to the nth degree kind of thing. Fuck the ecosystem, folks, society, fuck women Fuck everything else, just the male perspective. So in this sense is why says the mere opposite of feminism. And just think about how much when you think about feminism, you're kind of disgusted by feminism or like men feminism, like what are they thinking? What's the same thing with pickup? Like, what are you thinking it's such a narrow minded perspective on life. When you actually start to interact with more people, listen to them. People from different cultures and different genders and different ages, you start to get a much broader perspective on life. And the final problem I have with the pickup community is it's really a support group for narcissism. You realize that, that that's what it is. narcissism and selfishness is actually frowned upon by society. To make it acceptable, and to make it a tool that you can use to have lots of sex, what you need to do is you need to create an ecosystem or a bubble, within which there's now an acceptance of narcissism and narcissism is now glorified. And it's told to you that, hey, it's cool. It's okay, you can do it. That's what the pickup community is for. That's why the pickup community is so tight knit, it's not an accident. Because if you had to go do some of the shit that you do with pickup, all on your own, without any social support, it would be almost impossible. Because it would be so jarring for your mind, because it's so antithetical to mainstream society and kind of mainstream decency. Right. It's really funny how that is like this. This bubble is like, you almost need to create your own private little dimension or world within which then you can do some of the crazy shit that you do with pickup. Because it is anti spiritual. And because it does break integrity, and that because it does disrespect women. And because it does limit your self actualization. These are the core reasons, valid reasons why mainstream society frowns upon pickup. And these are not just reasons, from society's point of view that you should be concerned about. These really should be concerned about from your own self First agenda. Because these are all the things that you need to develop in yourself, you need more integrity. If you want to grow yourself, you need to open yourself to more self actualization potential. If you want to grow yourself, you need to start to respect women more, if you want to really have high quality relationships with them. And you need to take on spiritual values, if you want to really be fulfilled in life. So as the Buddha says, you know, you don't get punished for your anger, you get punished by your anger. In the same way, I'm not saying that someone's going to punish you for doing pickup. I'm saying you're getting punished already by the fact that you're doing pickup. The question is, Will You Be wise enough to recognize that? Or will you be in denial? Speaking of denial, let me address some of the common P way defenses that come up. When I bring up some of these points. One defense goes like this, Leo, you've just been socially conditioned, you don't understand you're stuck in a social matrix, we have broken out of the social matrix. This is funny. I know I've not just been socially conditioned, I'm actually very anti social conditioning myself, right? But across the board, including the pickup conditioning, what do you think pickup is pickup is social conditioning? Right? It's just a different flavor of it. Be more mindful of how pickup conditions you? It does. It's got very strong groupthink going on inside of it. Remember, I'm not talking about this as an outsider, I've been where you are, I've seen what pickup really is I've done it myself, all these things that might seem like I'm here, pointing my finger at you and kind of judging you. Actually, I've done all this stuff, right. That's how I can speak about it. So kind of boldly. Because I've done it. I've seen the results that gets, there's some good stuff about it. There's some passive about it. There's a gray area there. It's not all black and white. Right. But fundamentally, what I had to do is I had to kind of outgrow it. And I had to I had to see the limitations of it. Which is not to say that I've fully outgrown it. And it's not to say that I'll never talk to girls again. I'll get to that point as we go on. Let's tackle another defense which is, but Leo No, you don't understand. We're actually self actualizing and reducing our ego as we do pick up. And this is total horseshit. Yes, there's some elements of personal development within pickup. And those are great. And that's actually why I got involved so heavy into pickup in the first place, I was more attracted to the personal development elements than I was to the girls. This point about reducing your ego, I hear a lot of talk about this in the pickup circles. And this is just total shit. Pickup guys have huge egos. They don't have small egos. And what they do is they they don't really understand what the ego is. Yes, in a sense, there are certain aspects of your ego that you do have to break down. Because you're doing something very challenging with pickup, you're really pushing your comfort zone and that kind of does change you. But in a kind of twisted way. What it does is it has to actually build up your ego even more. Because now you think you're the shit. And now you think you're right now you think you're better than everyone else and so on and so forth. And you know, for all the lip service that Pua guys pay to Eckhart Tolle, in reading the Power of Now that book, they have no fucking idea what Eckhart Tolle is talking about the values that Eckhart Tolle is expressing or completely antithetical to pick up. Eckhart Tolle is not out there talking to girls and making girls you realize this, right? You realize that Eckart Tolle is enlightened. This shit that you're doing that you think is going to make you fulfilled to him? This is a fucking joke. It's a joke. It's too fucking delusion. It's delusion. What you're doing is a distraction. From enlightenment work. total distraction. That's all pickup is distraction from enlightenment. You could think of it that way. So this, this whole bucket argument that you're actually reducing your ego when you do pick up is is the biggest self deception that there is. No common defense is that hey, Leo, you know, we're not actually manipulating women. I don't manipulate women. I don't know about other people. But you know, when I do pick up Leo, I don't manipulate women. I'm just being honest and authentic and cool. And groats want to have sex with me and sleep with me. And that's just you know, my authentic style. That's horseshit. That is such horseshit. What you've done is you've become so good at manipulating women that you've internalized those things, and now you're just on autopilot. Now just because you can money To delete women on autopilot does not mean that you're authentic and does not mean that you're not manipulating women. You got to be a lot more self honest on this point. Another common defense is like this. Hey, Leah. Look, women love sex. You understand women love sex. You're talking about this whole thing as though like, I'm doing something wrong to him by having sex with them. But no women, I'm giving them a gift by having sex with them. That's funny. It's true that women do love sex. And it's true that sometimes when you have sex with a woman, it's kind of like you're giving her you know, a nice gift. But that's not what is really driving you with picket. You're not here to be altruistic towards with, let's be honest. Just because a woman likes sex does not excuse your manipulative, dishonest and low integrity behaviors. Right? Check yourself on that one. Another common defenses but Leo, women are sluts and whores. Women use men, women cheat, you don't understand you don't see all the nasty stuff that women do. Maybe women do some nasty stuff. Women are human beings after all. And we all do nasty stuff once in a while because we are human. And we're not perfect. But this does not excuse your attitude towards women. Also, furthermore, I would point out that a lot of the stereotypes you have of women being sloths and horrors and using men and cheating a lot. These are simply false. So actually, one of the really damaging stereotypes that I see pickup guys developing is that women alike will cheat on you on the drop of a dime. I find that really untrue. In practice, I find that women are actually quite loyal. I'm, I'm always shocked at how loyal women are. With me personally, most women are very loyal. If you treat them well. And you're a strong confident guy, the odds of her cheating on you are quite low. Usually what this is, is this is actually a low self esteem issue that pickup guys have is they think, because they are so quick to cheat on women. And because they are, you know, out there in bars and clubs all the time, this gives them a warped perspective on how women actually behave. The average woman is not like that is simply false. And this will damage your ability to be in a relationship with a high quality woman for long. Another common excuse that pickup guys have is they say but Leo, women are emotionally crazy. You don't even need to reason with women. You can't reason with women. They're not logical. They do all this emotionally crazy stuff. So who even cares about their emotions? You know, they're suffering internally all the time anyways. So what collateral damage am I doing? You know, I'm not doing anything worse than then they're doing themselves. It's true that a lot of young women are emotionally unstable. However, what you're doing is you're kind of preying on that instability, which is what I would define as an anti spiritual value, and lack of integrity on your car. So just because you see a baby with a candy bar, and you can take the candy bar easily, does not mean you should, right. And just because the baby's already crying, and taking the candy bar, we're just you No, not really increased crying any more than already is doesn't mean that it's the right thing to do. Another defense that I hear is something like Billy Oh, you know, I'm a natural born player. I'm happy being a player. Maybe some guys like maybe you Leo. Maybe you're just kind of like cut out to be the nice guy. And then some of us are like cut out to be the kind of like natural born suave players. And so it's just kinda like my personality type. And so it makes me happy it maybe doesn't make you happy, Leo, but it makes me happy. This is a fucking lie. Straight up bullshit lie. You know, you I'm not denying that you have a certain personality type that might be different than mine. That's fine. But what I'm going to tell you is that if you understand psychology at a deep enough level, and you've studied as much of it as I have, then you understand that it's not possible for you to be happy living the playa lifestyle. It is not humanly possible to be happy that way. It will not work. Feel free to test it out. Many of you probably already have. And you've seen the consequences. The other common defense is Hey, Leah, you're just jealous, bro. You're jealous if you had my mad pickup skills. You know, you're probably the kind of guy who did some pickup and you slept with a few girls but you didn't bang the really hot girls. You didn't really get that good. So now you're just jealous. And now you're talking about all this bad stuff, because you had some bad experience with pickup. Actually, no, I had some of the best experiences of my life with pickup, I had a lot of fun. I mean, I had a lot of tough times, but I had a lot of fun in general, I made great friends, I met amazing girls. I've had amazing experiences, you know, it opened my eyes a lot, I learned a lot, it was amazing. And I will admit that I'm not the best player, I can't just go in and you know, pick up a 10 on the drop of a dime or something like that. I'm not really that good. I would need to practice a lot more to get that good. But this idea that I'm jealous of your, you know, your mad player skills, would I like my skills to be better? Sure, I would like to be more attractive with girls and, you know, be more humorous and stuff. And I'm still working on some of those skills. But this, this does not defend against all the points that I've made, right? I've made much deeper points here, that go way beyond jealousy. Just because you can bang lots of girls and get a bunch of success does not fix the materialism problem. In the same sense that, you know, if you have billions of dollars, those billions of dollars just because you have more billions than somebody else does not make you happier. It doesn't fix the fundamental root problem in that money never makes you happy. And the last defense that you might have is they might say something like Well, duh, Leo. You were doing the wrong kind of pickup. I don't know what kind of pickup you are doing. You're probably doing some mystery method bullshit, you know, something? Like from the 90s I'm doing the new kind of, you know, 21st century pickup the authentic pickup. I don't use any lines, Leo, you know, I don't tell bullshit stories. I'm always honest. And I'm always spontaneous. I'm just having fun with girls. yatta yatta yatta? No, actually, you know, I didn't really do any mystery method shit. I studied it, but I didn't really do much of it. I've been practicing like, the cutting edge, authentic style pickup. The kind of pickup that works mostly on your inner game, right? It tells you to be authentic, and, and so forth. And I've studied lots of different pickup instructors and theories. So it wasn't just like one rotten apple that I studied or some one manipulative technique that I use, like some hypnosis shit, I didn't even touch that stuff. I'm just talking about your normal, authentic style pickup. Even that stuff. Everything I said applies to even that. So those were the common defenses. At this point, you might be wondering, okay, Leo, I mean, you're really pushing strong here. What do you want me to do? You want me to quit pickup? Is that what you're telling us to do? And here's where you got to be careful. Because my objective with this episode is not to vilify pickup, and to tell you to quit pick up and never talk to girls again, and become a monk. That's not what I'm trying to get you to do here. I'm trying to get you to be more aware of what you're doing in your life, I'm trying to get you to be more conscious of what the pickup community is about. And some of the limitations of it. I'm not saying that everything that we have here is wrong and bad and unhealthy. There are some very healthy and good intentioned goals within the pickup community. But there's also a lot of limits. I focused on covering the limits, because that's what I wanted to focus on. Let me really stress the following point is that there's nothing wrong with approaching a girl and speaking to her flirting with her and having sex with her. There's nothing wrong with that. The key is in how you do it and why you do it. That's the key. What are your motivations? Why are you involved in pickup in the first place? What do you think is gonna happen? What do you hope to accomplish? What are your intentions towards this girl? Is your intention to make her part of your harem? Is that your intention? Or is your intention to actually start a, like a genuine relationship with this individual? All those things matter. Also, you know, talking about speaking about quitting pickup, let me just remind you that you will quit pickup anyways. You will outgrow it at some point. How long will it take? Maybe a year? Maybe three? Maybe five? maybe 10, maybe 20 years? I don't know. But most of you will outgrow it and probably a lot faster than you think. Probably within three years you will outgrow pickup. Because you will move on, you'll start to see broader perspectives in life. Right? So this whole idea of like, Should you quit pickup now, you know, if you're involved in pickup and you feel like it's something you got to do, go do it. But do it in a more responsible way. Do it understanding that it's just one step in your journey to go higher, and don't claim to this step. Look towards the next step, stage green. And most importantly, I want you to watch yourself, when you're doing pickup in how you're using pickup to go on colleges, because this is what you're doing. Notice that you're distracting yourself with pickup, you're distracting yourself from the important work that you really gotta be doing in life. And I don't just mean your nine to five job. I mean, many other things, most importantly, self actualization, and spiritual work. I want you to notice, as you're doing pickup that sex does not equal fulfillment. Not at all. I want you to also notice the dogma within the pickup community. As you're browsing the message boards, and you're talking to your friends, I want you to also be much more mindful of the collateral damage that you cause to women, when you interact with them. Set a higher standard for yourself, develop more empathy, and more compassion towards women seek to understand the world from their eyes a little bit more, rather than from the eyes of your friends and other pickup buddies. This is what I want you to do. Is see this is subtle. I'm not necessarily telling you to go quick pickup and never talk to girls again. In fact, me personally, I intend to talk to girls throughout my life. And I'll probably go to clubs and bars and I'll chat up many girls in the future, right? That's fine. But the place that I'm going to do it from is going to be very different than the place that I used to do it from. And the place that I'm going to do it from is going to be very different from the way that the pickup community, preachers us to do it. The good news here is that there are even better ways to do personal development than through pickup. I know one of the fears I had when I was leaving pickup was that like, it's like, damn, I was learning so much. And I was growing so fast when I was, you know, hitting the clubs. And now that I'm not doing that, that means my growth is gonna stop, how am I gonna keep growing? I'm gonna keep asking actualizing. But what I was shocked and surprised, pleasantly to discover is that there are many modes through which to do self improvement work. There's meditation, there's journaling, there's going to seminars, going to workshops, there's doing enlightenment work, self observation work. There's reading books, there's doing exercises and books, there's listening to audio, but there's like so much stuff you could do. Working on your business, building a high quality relationship with that one girl that you really like building really high quality friendships, all this kind of stuff is still on the table for you if you want. So you're not really losing anything. That's it. That's all I have to say. Basically, in a nutshell. Don't be a Pua sheep. I'm signing off, please click the like button, share this video with a friend. Post your comments down below. And come check out actualize that org That's my website, I have a lot of videos on there for free that will help you to self actualize. I share a lot of techniques with you every single week. If you sign up for the newsletter, you get new techniques and new advanced concepts every single week and my, my newer videos are gonna get more deep and more advanced. So if you really are interested, and the reason you got into pickup was because you really want to grow yourself to your highest potential in life. What's called self actualization. That is something that I can help you with a lot. I can help you to keep you on track with that, because your biggest problem is going to be falling off track. So if you really value self growth, then this is an opportunity you don't wanna miss. Sign up, stick around and I'll see you soon for